Would you know if your mentee began struggling with his/her mental health?
Most people don’t. Mental distress in a young person is often blamed on hormones. What’s more: some indicators are easily hidden in a surface-level relationship. Since May is Mental Health Awareness Month, I want to share how you can go deeper and know how to help your mentee with their mental health.
When I have confided in others about my mental health journey, I’ve gotten mixed responses. Some people console, “Just give it to God!” Others comment, “I would’ve never guessed!”
While the latter could feel like a compliment, it hits like a punch… I would’ve never guessed means you’re being dramatic; you’re not struggling enough. You’re fine.
This lie is straight from the devil, but it’s invasive one for today’s teens. These kids exist in an environment of comparison—isolated in digital realms where they attempt to they build their brand and prove their worth. While no one would tell an individual with cancer that they ought to refuse help until they reach Stage 4, we often take that approach to mental health.
Whether they realize it or not, our mentees are asking the question: Will you notice me?
I encourage you to take a step toward compassionate listening. For some, that will look like shutting your mouth and opening your ears. For others, it might be helpful to find a podcast about an issue pertaining to your mentee specifically (because mental illness isn’t always visible). Wherever you start, I implore you: Please start.
I am writing these words because of mentors who noticed me in my pain. They didn’t shy away from the mess but instead, entered in and aided me in finding help. This is what Christ calls us to—not to “fix” them or make them behave better, but to illuminate the person God’s made your mentee to be.
4 Tips for Mentors
1. Model healthy boundaries
When you choose to balance your life in a holistic way, your mentee will likely notice. This means sticking to your word, setting boundaries when appropriate, and not being apologetic about your limits. If you told your mentee you won’t buy him/her a shirt at the mall, hold that boundary. It shows consistency and teaches that your word can be trusted—helpful for the next time your mentee wants a listening ear.
2. Speak kindly about your body and mind
Your mentee is navigating a shifting landscape. You can suggest that he or she practices self-compassion and self-care, but it goes a whole lot further when you actually demonstrate those skills yourself. This is as easy as mentioning the value that rest, different foods, and fun have in your life. It can also look like NOT berating your appearance, calling yourself stupid, or speaking negativity about yourself or others.
Don’t just tell your mentee how to love themselves as Christ loves them; show your mentee how.
3. Look back at mentor logs occasionally—do you see any patterns developing?
If your mentee is always anxious on certain days or after specific encounters, that could be worth noting. You can also look back at mentor logs to see if your mentee is developing a more subdued or depressed demeanor over time. Week to week, it’s a little harder to identify these changes.
4. Practice reflecting your mentee’s emotions back to him/her.
Being able to name emotions is a key way humans regulate and process hard feelings. An example of this would be: “You seem to be happy right now. Are you feeling happy? Why do you think?”